No, I don’t trust my body

The big fad nowadays in health–and trust me, when you have cancer, EVERYONE tells you about the latest health crazes–is to listen to your body because its signals will lead you to health. The idea is, your body knows what’s good for it and what’s bad for it, so if you just listen closely to it, your body will tell you what it’s supposed to be eating and doing and whatever.

Yeah, right. This is the body that tells me to eat the entire bag of chocolate and the entire bag of potato chips when I am menstruating. It knows what’s best for me? Chocolate and salt is what’s best for me? Really?

This is the body that decided to spit out my son 3 months early, because, who the fuck knows why. That’s what was best for me? To try to kill my baby?

This is the body that decided to start making cells that will literally kill me, and it, if left to its own devices. That’s what’s best for me? To kill me?

My body has betrayed me in ways that have caused me more emotional pain than I hope anyone ever has to bear. I see my body as a necessary evil that I must keep to survive, but it is not on my side, and it lies to me every day. It said “You don’t feel sick, that lump can’t be cancer.” It said “That chemo is killing you, don’t you see how sick it’s making you? You have to stop this!” My body is either an idiot or a cruel, sadistic bastard.

No, I don’t trust my body. I don’t trust it for one second.

3 thoughts on “No, I don’t trust my body

  1. I totally understand you feeling this way. And I appreciate you being raw and honest. Always. Because life isn’t just about the positive and rainbows. Life is about being real and feeling all the feels.


    And, for the record, my body tells me to eat a container of ice cream each month!
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  2. Life’s not fair, is it Beth? DH is rail thin and works out/exercises almost every waking moment and he’s the one with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a bad ticker. I listen to my body when I have a migraine (drugs) or diarrhea (drugs, bathroom) or chronic pain (leagues of physicians, surgeries, and more drugs). I wish I knew what we are doing wrong!

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