This is a list of the reasons why I don’t click on articles with titles like “What one mom wished she knew that might have saved her child’s life” and “10 things you are doing wrong as a parent.”

1. Every time you read a parenting article with a click-bait-y title, a puppy dies. Seriously.

2. All parenting articles are filled with information I can live without. Nobody ever accidentally turned their kid into a serial killer because they didn’t read some article on attachment parenting on the Internet.

3. When you click on click bait, the terrorists win.

4. I’m secure enough in my OK-ness that I don’t need to read things on the Internet to validate my world view.

5. Reading click-bait-y articles may give you The Clap.

6. I’m not kidding, I got a weird rash after clicking on some click bait article one time.

7. If we all stopped reading click-bait-y articles on the Internet, maybe they’ll stop writing them? Haha, I know, I am so naive.

8. Most of those articles claim to be based on scientific studies that only show correlation, not causation, and the authors of the articles are too stupid to know the difference.

9. Just as reading beauty magazines will only make you feel ugly, reading articles that promise to make you a more confident parent will only make you less sure of your parenting skills.

10. Because I got enough guilt in my life without the goddamn Internet giving me more of it.