I need to bitch about a symptom. I don’t do that very often. I try to stay pretty sunny, because honestly, I don’t have a ton of symptoms, and I don’t like complaining. But I’m frustrated and I need to get this out.

Since The Cancer, I get really tired sometimes. On Friday, I had lots of energy, so I tackled folding the 34 loads of laundry that had piled up on top of my dryer, and I swept and mopped. The next day, I was spent. SPENT. I managed an outing with the family to a children’s museum, where I sat on a bench for as much of our time there as I could, and then I came home and just laid in bed the rest of the day.

Fatigue. I didn’t really understand what that word meant, until The Cancer. Oh sure, I got Mom-tired, I mean, it’s exhausting being a mom. EXHAUSTING. But it’s not like this. This is a whole other thing.

The Hubs has been worried that it’s caused by anemia or a low thyroid or something, but reading about what it’s like having mets, it seems to just be part of the game now. I’m still really terrible at pacing myself with this new level of energy I have, and I get fooled by good days where I feel good, and I overdo it. I leave for the east coast in a few days, and I’m worried I won’t be able to get out and have a good time as much as I’ll want to, because I get so damn tired.

What’s really upsetting about it is that it’s yet another way The Cancer is forcing me to change. Add a normal energy level to the list of things the lava has covered up. Add being able to spend a day on the go to the list of things The Cancer has taken away from me. And it’s only beginning. If I think I’m tired now, wait until the next round of chemo. Wait until lung mets happens.

I’d like to say thank you to everyone who’s been understanding about me being so damn tired all the time, and not been mad when I had to cancel plans. I know it’s frustrating for you but it’s even more so for me.