Recently, a friend of mine messaged me about a comment she saw on a final blog post by a young mom who was dying of metastatic breast cancer. The woman had days, possibly a few weeks to live, as her liver had shut down. The comment on the very heart felt goodbye post that my friend messaged me about suggested that the woman should try drinking carrot juice, because the commenter had read that juice cures cancer. Strike that, the comment didn’t suggest it, the comment urged that the woman try it, because her kids needed her.
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. Did you just try to lay a guilt trip on a dying woman to convince her to drink carrot juice when she has end-stage cancer and her liver stopped working? Did that actually just happen? Please tell me that didn’t just happen. Please? For fuck’s sake, that actually just happened.
Both my friend’s brain and mine snapped, obviously, and then I realized it really was time to start writing a series here on the blog about about Crazy Cancer Cures. I’ve been getting emails and messages about Triple C’s since I was first diagnosed. I’ve probably sent my oncologist a dozen emails since then with the most, shall we say, interesting of these alleged cures, and never has he said “there is a study supporting that as a viable cancer treatment.”
And yet this shit persists on the Internet. Why? Well, people with cancer, especially terminal cancer, are desperate for a cure. Desperate people will believe all kinds of horseshit. I mean, when the best options you have are going to make you feel like shit and only extend your life a bit, but can’t cure you? Yeah, it’s easy to start believing in things that clearly can’t be true. And it turns out that desperate people will also spend a crapload of money on something if they believe it will keep them alive.
Because the best way to combat bad speech is with more speech, I’ll be addressing some of the many Crazy Cancer Cures I’ve read since my diagnosis, explaining what they say they’d do, and what science actually says they’ll do. We begin with the no-sugar diet.
The theory behind this Crazy Cancer Cure is that cancer feeds on sugar, so if you don’t eat any sugar, it can’t grow. That’s it, that’s the whole theory, it’s pretty straight-forward. There’s like books and stuff out there selling this cure and saying they’ve cured their cancer by cutting out sugar from their diets; however, you’ll note that none of them are written by oncologists.
Now, it’s true that cancer cells feed on sugar. You know what else feeds on sugar? Every other cell in your body. All of them. Cells run on sugar, it’s their energy source. Even if you don’t eat any sugar, your body will take other foods you eat and convert the carbohydrates in them into sugar. Because that’s what your cells need to function. Don’t believe me? OK, then perhaps listen to the nice folks from Cancer Research UK.
Is it healthy to eat a lot of sugar? Of course not, are you stupid? Sugar contributes to all kinds of health problems, like diabetes. And who the hell wants to get diabetes? No, I’m just saying that a no-sugar diet won’t cure your cancer. It just won’t. Because even if you don’t eat sugar, your body will just make it, even from the healthy foods you eat. Like those carrots that that asshole commenter said that a dying woman should juice because it’ll cure her cancer. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
If you have a Crazy Cancer Cure you think I should write about, drop a note in the comments, would you?
I was told to have a poo transplant. Yep, a poo transplant. Just get some poo, put it in a capsule, swallow it and bam! Cancer cured. That simple. Yes, that actually happened.
I have heard soooooo many, but latest miracle cure de jour is turmeric. Like the spice. That you cook with? Besides not being a doctor, I am not a cook.
Oh, and essential oils!
And black drawing salve. Which is supposed to draw the cancer right out. Or something.
I start online arguments over comments like that. I try to avoid reading such comments but sometimes I can’t help it. They really piss me off.
I love the idea of a series and this topic is perfect. I can throw in some ideas for you:
1) Forgiving would heal my cancer
2) Soursop
3) Bicarbonate with lemon juice
4) Not eating any meat (because by agreeing with the killing of animals I am really punishing myself)
UGH.
I am looking forward to reading your series.
Rebecca recently posted…Stuck in between two worlds
Where is a LOVE button when I need one?!?!
Thank you x 1000 for this beautiful, post, this exquisite take down of one of the crappies Triple Cs there are out there.
Bogus cures for cancer make me want to scream.
Let’s go frankinscense mmkay. 🙂
Mandi recently posted…Finding Hope
BAHAHA! Yes!! And Turmeric, and snake oil…oh this is going to be fun!
Kate Harcourt recently posted…In Search Of Zen: Living With Cancer-Induced Anxiety
I LOVE YOU BETH!! Please keep the crazy cures coming…I need the laughs! Xoxox
Oh, my. This is a topic that never fails to both amaze me and amuse me. I have a tremendous list, but I’ll just paste the latest email I received:
“What I wanted to tell you about was meeting this miraculous woman who was only given six weeks to live.
“She had breast cancer that had spread all over her body. She wound up with a hysterectomy a mastectomy, and still only given six weeks. She was told about this extremely simply solution.
“She takes 2 cups of any green leafy vegetable, like spinach or kale, juices it with some grape juice, and drinks it EVERY DAY. She swears by it. She says cancer can’t live in an alkaline body, and the dark green leafy vegetables she drinks every day makes her body alkaline. She was diagnosed six years ago, and her body shows no signs of cancer. She had cancer throughout, bones, everywhere. She said it took about 2 months before her body started healing. I was hoping maybe you could try this and get the same results she has. She prefers spinach and kale, but she says any dark green leafy vegetable will work, and she mixes it with grape juice for flavor.”
Yeah, right. Like this random stranger on her deathbed completely reversed and cured metastatic breast cancer by drinking green veggies. (Snark note … why do we have to drink these damn things? Why can’t we just eat them?!?!) Seriously, the alkaline thing irritates me to no end. People would much rather believe nonsense they read on a pseudo-science site than believe real science that proves … YOU CAN’T ALTER YOUR BODY’S pH BY WHAT YOU EAT!!!!!!
I’ll stop now. I know you get my drift. ::if my eyes rolled any further they’d fall out of my head::
A hairdresser told me to put mayonnaise behind my right knee. Swore up and down it cured her father in law’s cancer
Definitely looking forward to your series for many reasons, so thank you for taking this on.
Nancy’s Point recently posted…Post Cancer Diagnosis, Where Is My Epiphany?
Please do a post on high dosages of Vitamin C. Another one that get’s a lot of traction is cannabis oil. I love your posts. Thank you for writing about this!
That jumping on a trampoline will cause your lymph nodes to function better and flush cancer/toxins out of your body, not that it would specifically cure cancer, but it’s part of the regimen that some dude established saying he beat cancer without chemo… therefore, go see chrisbeatcancer.com. While I can imagine that his new lifestyle contributes to his being healthy and cancer-free I am not sure that the idea that he beat cancer naturally is the best statement.
I’d add that it is not just desperation that drives people to try crazy things. So much of this has to do with the myth of control, and self-blame, as well as blame assigned by others. And why do the others like to blame us? So they can fool themselves into believing that if they do everything “right”, they will be safe from cancer. Good luck with that is all I can say.
Great post, the blame game/eat this to cure cancer thing will always be a sore spot for me, even as I become less curmudgeon-y about other aspects of cancer.
Cancer Curmudgeon recently posted…Mean Streak
I was told to do organic coffee enemas 5 x per day!