When I launched this blog and shared it on Facebook for the first time, one of my friends asked where’s the stuff on dads. And you know what? From what I can see, dads have to deal with a lot of this crap too. The Hubs will definitely tell you that he feels a lot of pressure as a dad, especially as a working dad, and he gets exhausted and worries and feels like a failure sometimes, just like I do.
When I was pregnant with The Boy, The Hubs and I talked a bit about whether he should be circumcised. Circumcision is one of those Cult of Perfect Motherhood hot topics. People argue passionately about it on both sides of the issue and there is a lot of Judgy McJudgersoning around whatever choice you make. And I gotta be honest, I really didn’t care whether The Boy got circumcised or not. I know as a mom you’re supposed to be deeply engrossed in every decision about your child’s health and future and whatever, and you’d think I’d be all worked up about such an intimate decision, but I just wasn’t. Because, I don’t have a penis, and I have no frame of reference for what having a circumcised vs. non-circumcised penis is like. I just don’t, and so I couldn’t get all worked up over what was the right choice to make. So, I told The Hubs, “You’ve got a penis, you’re the expert in this area. I’m leaving it up to you to decide.” And he did.
And that’s how I feel about me writing about dads. I’m not a dad, and I can’t write a dad’s experience because I’m not having a dad’s experience. I’m having a mom’s experience. I wouldn’t presume to know what being a dad is like, and if I wrote about it, I think I’d come off sounding like I had no idea what I was talking about. Because I don’t. It’d be like when dudes mansplain–it’d be momsplaining, I guess. And any kind of ‘splaining is the opposite of cool. So, I told my friend (who is as sarcastic as I am) to write his own damn blog. And I hope he will, because he’s funny and smart.
2 thoughts on “On Fatherhood”
Actually, The Hubs decided before my water broke…although he did discuss his decision with the NICU folks!
Good article (as all are) but me thinks the reason you had no opinion is that you were watching The Boy fight for his life for so long that at the time, a decision of to or not to was minor compared to major life events.
I’m not saying ‘circumcision’ is not important, it’s just that compared with a child being born so prematurely, who has the wherewithal to make another decision? Anyway, DH would make the right decision (although your reader is left hanging LOL).
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