Bacon and bourbon cured my cancer

That headline is a lie, of course. My cancer will never be cured. But apparently it CAN be beaten back so much that I have NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!!! ALL CAPS FREAK OUT!!!

I had a PET scan on Monday with results due at an appointment with #bestdocever on Friday. Then Holley Kitchen died on Tuesday. If you missed her video that went viral, go watch it. She had such a beautiful spirit, and it gutted me when she died, leaving behind two boys, the youngest a 4 year old…just like The Girl. So, I texted #bestdocever and said “Holley Kitchen died today, her youngest is 4. Tell me that won’t be me.” And he texted back, “Naw, I have good news for you on Friday.” 

So, Friday comes around, and I go to the appointment. And we talk about my conversation with Joan Lunden, and the meeting I had the day before at The Hutch with other breast cancer advocates, and he gives me my check up and asks about my side effects from Xeloda, which at this point are fatigue (my constant companion) and looking tanned and freckled. So, pretty minimal.

Then #bestdocever says “I guess we should talk about your PET report. You know, unless you don’t want to.” And I said, “Well, you said it was good news.” And he said, “It’s OK.” And I was like, “Oh. So, just sort of good news, then.” And he said, “I’m kidding, it’s amazing.”

And we went through the report section by section, and each one said things like “metastatic lesions resolved” and “no longer any pathological FDG uptake.” In fact, my bone tumors aren’t just dead, the bones appear to be healing. And he carefully went through the liver section of the report, and said that he’d spoken in detail with the radiologist because he wanted to say I was NED, but wanted to make sure the spots on my liver really aren’t cancerous anymore. And the radiologist assured him that they weren’t. At this point the word “NED” was swimming in my brain…and as we got to the end of the report, I said, “So I’m NED?” And he said “Yep, you’re NED.”

As I was leaving, I told #bestdocever I was especially surprised about my liver because I’d been on a cruise the week before and frankly, I drank a lot, way more than usual. And he wisecracked, “Well that bourbon must be working, keep it up.” I also ate a lot of bacon. So I’m going with the theory that eating a lot of bacon and drinking a lot of bourbon will cure cancer. It’s as good a theory as black salve, drinking breast milk, or eating a lot of curry, amiright?

I honestly never thought I’d get there. #bestdocever had said at the start of this shitshow that NED was his goal for me, but I really didn’t think it would happen, especially after all that progression last spring. I’m still in shock. I knew Xeloda is a drug that people can have exceptional responses to, but I never believed I’d have THIS exceptional of a response. I feel like I’ve climbed back up the cliff a bit. It’s both thrilling and terrifying. But mostly thrilling. And it’s the first time since I was diagnosed that I’ve truly seen The Hubs happy, which makes my heart sing.

How long do I get to dance with NED? There’s no way to know. NED means my cancer is too small to see on a scan, but it doesn’t mean it’s totally gone. Someday it’ll come roaring back. But not today. Not today. Today we dance.

29 thoughts on “Bacon and bourbon cured my cancer

  1. SO happy for you. I’m also getting good results with xeloda, but it’s more like “stable disease” than “NED”. I guess I need to add the bourbon and bacon!

    1. Beth–I don’t know you (I am a friend of Jennie Grimes and saw your great news on my Facebook feed) but major congrats on NED! I read Leslie’s comment and I felt like sharing some information that has been useful to me only in case you are interested in supplemental healing resources: and If it doesn’t resonate, feel free to ignore! I know people can bombard you with their “solutions” but I just wanted to share in case you were interested.


  2. I’m so happy for you!!! As others here commented, it’s about time we had some good news around here. You must be over the moon. Enjoy, enjoy!!

  3. I don’t even know you and I’m in tears just to see some good news for a change – very happy for you!
    There is always hope!

  4. Beth, I’m so happy for you that I’m grinning from ear to ear so hard that it hurts! Wow, wow and more wow – and first thing in the morning I’m off to buy some bacon and bourbon too. After everything you’ve been through you so deserve this fab news.

  5. Beth I am so happy for you! It’s time we got some great news! Yeah!!!! Celebrate the great moments. Sending you tons of love… ❤️❤️❤️

  6. Girl, this the best news I’ve heard in a long time! I’m so happily jealous! I meet with my hot oncologist on the 25th to talk about my next steps, because the Ibrance ain’t working. Maybe, I’ll suggest Xeloda, bourbon (a fav of mine) and bacon (another fav of mine)! Hugs and love, baby! Reba

    1. Tell him that MBC Project is seeing a lot of people have exceptional responses to Xeloda! Including me, apparently!

  7. Hope it lasts and lasts. Really happy for you…..some wonderful news in a dark week. I’m sure bacon and alcohol did their part too! (((((<3)))))

  8. WhoooooooooooooooooooHhooooooooooooooo!!
    Bacon and bourbon, #bestdocever and Xeloda, Hubs and a cruise–and YOU!!

    I’m beyond happy with this news. Truly.

    Now, let’s make some noise to get a bunch of cash thrown at research so we can all tell cancer to officially go fuck itself.

    **Next stop on the Beth Caldwell Tour of Raising Awareness to Kick Cancer’s Ass: Uncle Joe and President O!!
    Real Life Parenting recently posted…Excuse Me, Teacher, We Need to TalkMy Profile

  9. OH. MY. GOD!!!! I can scream, I’m so excited for you! You deserve this good news. I wish I could adequately express my happiness for you. Celebrate.

  10. If it’s ok for a 60 year old to dance like the wind, then I’m a freakin hurricane today!!! Congratulations Beth. We are all SO very happy for you, the Hubs and The Boy and The Girl and US!!!!!

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