Cocktails with the Cult: Box Wine

I am totally half-assing this post because I am on vacation right now. I’m sorry. Actually I am not even remotely sorry, because you know what? Box wine is totally awesome. And here’s why.

1. It is always ready. No mixing. No measuring. No finding halfway through preparing it that you are out of olives or tonic to whatever. It’s just hanging out there in your fridge saying “No pressure, I’m ready when you’re ready.”

2. It’s inexpensive. Even the fancy pants box wine I like (Black Box Chardonnay, and no, they aren’t sponsoring this post but I wish they were!) is at least as cheap as regular wine, if not cheaper. Vodka and fancy olives can get pricey.

3. It doesn’t go stale like regular wine. I don’t see it on the shelf in my fridge and think “shit, I need to finish that before it starts tasting funky.” So when I am in treatment and can’t even imagine wanting a drink, no biggie, it’s not going to waste.

4. It’s easier to serve when your friends come over than cocktails. They can help themselves from the handy spigot.

5. It’s not pretentious. It doesn’t say “Look at me, I am a fancy expensive beverage with terroir, pay attention to my legs and smell my bouquet.” No. You just drink it and feel good. Period.

Obviously there is no recipe for this post. Just go to the grocery store and buy a damn box, will you?