I am kinda pissed off right now. And when I say kinda, I mean I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. I am pissed off enough that I am going to move beyond cursing and into the realm of blaspheming. Which, if you know me, you know that means that my frustration level is now at 11. And after you read this, you’re gonna be like “Damn, that Beth sure has a temper…but she also has a point.” Get the popcorn, because here I go.
Here’s the scenario, and you’ve probably seen this happen too: the Facebook page of a major retailer announced coupons on formula. Which is a good thing because formula is so ridiculously expensive. I mean seriously, is it made of Jesus poop or something? Why the hell is it so expensive? Anyway, of course because it has to do with feeding your child, a bunch of pompous windbags start commenting on the post that breast is best and formula is poison and anyone who feeds their kids formula is a horrible mother because they just didn’t try hard enough to nurse.
I CAN’T EVEN WITH THESE PEOPLE. Who the fuck do you think you are, Jesus Joseph and Mary? Seriously, what gives you the right to tell other parents how to care for their children? Do you honestly believe that calling someone a bad mother is going to make them change their ways? No really, I want to know if someone called you a bad mother for feeding your child a particular way, would that asshole’s behavior be the thing that made you say “I am going to give up breast feeding and buy some expensive formula?” Really?
I am not even going to go into the whole part about how there are lots of reasons that are completely beyond the control of a mother that would make her avoid breast feeding. Oh wait, yes I am. How about cancer treatment? Taking medications that are unsafe for baby? Milk production problems? Nipple trauma? HIV? A traumatic birth experience that made nursing impossible? Tuberculosis? Hepatitis C? Or, how about the kid is adopted? Shall I go on? Oh, you say, but that’s only a handful of people, you say, everyone else should be nursing, you say. A handful, really? How about one in 9 babies are born premature in the US every year, for a starter? Holy Mary mother of God, are you kidding me?
But that isn’t really the point. Because, this isn’t actually about breast vs. bottle, is it? The point isn’t whether a mom has a good reason to feed their baby a certain way. The point is, YOU have no good reason to be judging someone else for making choices about how to raise their own children. And this is the part where I go all libertarian liberal on you: how you choose to raise you kids is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. If you’re not abusing or neglecting them, or raising them in a way that harms my children, then who the hell I am to tell you how to be a parent? I am nobody, that’s who. AND SO ARE YOU. Speaking of blaspheming, how about a little judge not lest ye be judged? You think Jesus, or Buddha for that matter, would get on a message board and say “That is a bad mother right there, she feeds her kid formula”? REALLY?
Here is the thing, I’m gonna take a deep breath because clearly I am pissed, and screaming at you isn’t helping things. Iiiiiiiiinnnnnnhale, and exhaaaaaaaaalllle. OK. When you shit on another parent, what you are doing is keeping all of us, all moms, from moving forward. Your comments keep us from advocating for each other. Because of you, another mom will hide the truth of her life, out of fear that someone will tell her she is a bad mom. In short, it is your fault we don’t have universal preschool for our children and paid maternity leave. Because unless we stop shitting on each other and come together to fight for the things we need, we’re gonna keep right on working to pay for preschool for our kids when we should be on maternity leave with their younger sibling, which makes it much harder to breast feed, WHICH WAS THE THING YOU WERE TRYING TO PRMOTE WITH YOUR ASSHOLERY IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.
Christ on a cracker, I can’t even with these people. Just, everyone stop it. Stop trying to convince the world that they should live YOUR way, and parent YOUR way, and just handle your OWN business. Just, STOP.
113 thoughts on “On Assholery”
This is great! I nursed my first two kids for 9 months each and still got crap for not going longer. My third baby came along and I could not, for the life of me, breast feed. It hurt, my nipples bled, she cried, I swore. It was not a good experience. I had literally spent a year and a half of my life nursing babies, but for whatever reason it wouldn’t click with the last one. Until you’ve walked a mile, myob.
I’m going to save that last bit for any future parenting conflicts with near-strangers. hahaha!
My kids are in their 20s and my breast-feeding days are long behind me, but damn if I did not enjoy this post! I think we’re related somehow because we are definitely kindred spirits. Keep those awesome posts coming!
Thank you for a logical rant. Yet, considering that most humans, male and female, could fuck up a wet dream, there are ramifications and unintended consequences to allowing relativeness into the argument. If you had left it at “Breast Feeding with CAVEATS” then perhaps then it would have remained just about Breast vs Bottle …. However you appear, at least to me, to have opened the door to “each woman can and should do as she damn well pleases and everybody else can just STFU …. which is great in a novel or a movie or even reality TV, but not so much in real life. Our collective health is fucked up today because of piss poor decisions, made or allowed, by our parents and grandparents and back beyond. They tinkered with and believed in a whole lot of stuff and here we are …. with more GD diseases and syndromes and alphabet diagnoses than you could ever imagine. There’s a reason Nature created breast feeding …. and unfortunately there’s also a reason why humans have made it statistically even more impossible to do so over the millennia.
In the “wild”, mammals will breast feed unless some human kills the mother. I propose that we start with our nearest relatives in Nature. Cut off their ability to breast feed. Formula ONLY for 10 or so generations. Let’s see what’ll populate the earth and the zoos then? Just for fun …. and the sake of human argument.
Amen and AMEN!!! People are so fucking stupid it astounds me!!! When I had my baby, I made a personal choice to breast feed. Not because I thought I was better than anyone else and not because it was shoved down my throat.. and believe me, it was shoved! I was diagnosed with post partum depression, have suffered from severe all my life, so at about three months I was physically and emotionally unable to continue doing so. It was probably the best and worst time of my days of being a new mom. The hospital and WIC pretty much told me it’s impossible for a woman to not be able to breast feed, you just have to try hard enough. I mean clearly I just wasn’t a good mom right? Clearly I didn’t care about my child right? Such bullshit. I was an emotional wreck!! Sure, my support group was great WHILE I had my nips out but when I switched to bottle I kept it hidden from people for a good several months in fear of shaming. I was no longer able to produce enough milk to keep up with my baby, who was 9lbs 15 ounces at birth mind you… The first night we switched to formula was the best night of my life. She SLEPT which meant I slept which meant I stopped crying for a few minutes which meant I was healthier for both child and I! Whether you choose to slip a nip or not… You should recover support and encouragement!!! Life after baby is such a fucking emotional roller coaster and we should be supporting each other!! NOT thinking we’re better than one another!!
I’m formula feeding, and I don’t really care what other people think. To be fair, I have not had a single person call me nasty names for formula feeding in real life. I have online, but the Internet has a way of concentrating the crazy. I’m perfectly happy to close the window, and move on to something else offline. I’m on meds that are incompatible with baby, and have been told by numerous health professionals not to nurse. I’d rather be a happy healthy mom with a happy healthy baby, than a miserable mom with a miserable baby. Formula is a great option for moms like me.
I was a young mom, waiting tables at night right after my son was born. Let me tell you how horrifying it was to have my boobs leak through my work shirt, when your in the fucking weeds up to your asshole, your boobs are screaming to be with the baby at home that you are sure is pissed at the bottle being shoved in his mouth about that time. Boob, no boob, my kids are 21,19, and 18 now. All had the bottle, sure ones in jail, another is on drugs and the other is a serial killer because I did not want to breast feed (said no mother ever)
I flat out did not want to breast feed. I am but going to lie and say oh I couldn’t because of this that or this. I did not want to and that is why we love in America I thought it was the land of the free. Any mom who tries to tell me I am a bad mom can come see how beautiful and healthy my son is. The doctors told me either way I picked was fine and that he would be just fine. The doctor who told me that was formula fed! But I honestly don’t need to defend my choice that I choose. I DID NOT WANT TO BREASTFEED. END OF STORY, DONT LIKE IT? Who cares! Last time I checked there are plenty of moms breast feeding and eating things and drinking things that they shouldn’t be which is actually poisoning their child. Example: coffee; teas; alcohol; any red1 yellow5, none of that shit is in formula. Unless you are eating organic and taking no medicine. Don’t act like you are a temple giving the baby only the best!!!!!!!
I had severe mastitis a month after my son was born, and despite desparately wanting to keep on breastfeeding him, by the time it was cleared up, my milk was gone, so I had to formula feed and I felt like a failure. Now though, my son is a healthy, rambunctious 6 year old and I count my blessings. So while I’d highly recommend breastfeeding over formula, I don’t think anyone that formula feeds is a bad parent, they’re choosing the option that best suits their circumstances.
I’m a huge breastfeeding advocate. It’s just so amazing to me that my body just automatically made the perfect food for my babies…the mastitis and severe postpartum depression with my last one kind of cast a pall, though, and if I hadn’t successfully breastfed his brother and sister before, I probably would’ve given up. I wish every new mom would give it a try, and that they had the support they needed to succeed, but I still remember my friend’s tears when the doctor told her that her daughter’s reflux was too bad to tolerate anything but a special soy formula. She tried so hard…so to judge any woman bottle-feeding her baby would be utterly shitty on my part.
So…maybe we can extend this cease-fire for the mommy wars to older kids, too! The mom who has worked all day may not have the energy to drag Her 4y/o to soccer or gymnastics every day after work. Or she may not be able to keep her house immaculate. Or her boss may not give her time off work to be a room parent. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her kid or that she doesn’t focus on him in the little time she has.
Lordy. I wish I knew Moms like you.:)
so many posts.. so little time…. I guess just to visit on every single person who had to spew “their own side” of this little thing..who just happened to miss the whole point of the article…in case you missed it… As it seems many if you did… The point is to stop s******* on each other… So stop s******* on each other.f****** idiots ….miss the point…this is not an invitation to commiserate, this is not an invitation to be a troll, this is about the one thing that y’all seem to miss…god damn good writing proves the point demonstrates the whole of the article. perfection
I breast fed my eldest to 7 months and then we moved onto formula as I went back to work and my boobs weren’t cooperating.
I had my 2nd daughter 20 ,months after my I first, formula quickly became the better option as I was so emotionally destroyed from the directions of was being pulled in by both my babies, I love both my kids to end of time and back but for everyone to survive emotionally at that time formula was the best choice and I never regret it at all.
Plus I really really needed a fucking glass of wine at the end of the day after being screamed at all day long ……alone in the house..trapped…and not having showered sometimes for three days….
I feel your pain…. I really really needed a fucking glass of wine at the end of the day after being screamed at all day long ……alone in the house..trapped…and not having showered sometimes for three day
MY KIDS ARE GROWN AND I STILL NEED THAT!! Must be flashbacks… I am a mother of three, Gammy of 2 therefore sometimes… an alcoholic.. I know someday I WILL find the answer! Its at the bottom of one of those damn bottles!
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I completely agree with this article, but you can safely breastfeed with Hepatitis C. Just wanted to clear that up
This is incorrect and dangerous misinformation. If your nipples become cracked and bleed (as they very often do) you can transmit HCV to your baby through your blood. If your nipples begin to bleed, you’ll must pump and dump your milk (and bottle-feed your baby formula) until they heal.
Breastfeeding is also not recommended if you are receiving treatment for your HCV, as the medications are Category C (studies in animals have revealed adverse effects).
I have Hepatitis C and breastfed both of my kids for a year. Both are fine.
I was not able to breast feed either of my children. My oldest daughter was a emergency c-section. It was so uncomfortable to have her lay on me and try to breastfeed. I tried the pump but that also failed, my breast were engourged and omg did they hurt. I literally couldn’t breastfeed. I was in pain with my breasts and my abdomen. She is 11 now and is smart as a whip. She is almost 5’6″ and still growing. My youngest was also c-section. I didn’t try with her because of past issues. She is smart as a whip also and very healthy.
I get the point of this blog, not all people parent the same way. I also get that people need to mind their own buiesness. It’s not anyone’s place to tell a mother how to be a mother. Unless the child is in danger, then yes someone should step in. It wouldn’t of mattered if someone told me that I was a bad mother for using about bottle. I would of told them to fuck off, this is my child I carried for 9 months and I have the damn scare to prove it. Some ppl just don’t get that need to keep their noses out of other ppls business.
Great blog by the way.
I LOVE YOU!!!
Ok so I didn’t even TRY to breastfeed. I didn’t. So? I said give me that lovely pink can of Similac and left the face-stuffing begin, little brown baby. But hey. I was twenty years oldwhen she was born. What did I know? The nurses were more concerned with convincing me not to tie my tubes (a whole other blog, let me tell you). When my son was born and my husband said “we” should try breastfeeding (like he’d mysteriously grown nipples while I was in labor), my doc quickly said, nope, sorry, chick. Your asthma meds are dangerous for baby. I was totally ok with it. So because I’m not all distraught and go on a fast or something so I could breastfeed #3 and #4, that makes me a bad mom? Ok. I’m fine with that. But ask my kids that. See what they tell you. Most of the time, the folks that are on their soapboxes preaching to folks that didn’t ask for their opinion are those that were born with mammory glands. Or moms who are using their mammory glands until baby is toddler andhas no clue about what’s going on outside of the tit. My two cents. For free.
I tried with my first one… oh how I tried! After 2 weeks of a listless yet screaming in hunger infant hanging off of my breast pretty much 24 hours a day, I went crying back to the pediatrician. There I was told that while I made PLENTY of milk, there just wasn’t enough nutrients or calories in my breast milk. I was told to take her off the breast, but to use the breast milk to replace part of the water when using powdered formula so whe woudl still have th eadded benefit of the antibodies. I was heartbroken! Already suffering from PPD I went straight-line into “MY BABY DOESN’T NEED ME ANYMORE!”, to suicidal because now she had nipple confusion and REFUSED the bottle, lost more weight, cryed more… now add in a cow’s milk protein allergy (not to be confused with lactose intolerance, this is a TRUE allergy). Now my undernourished infant is throwing up cottage cheese and I am about to rip my own uterus out to keep this fiasco from happening again. But eventually we found the right formula, at which point she IMMEDIATELY started sleeping through the night (8 hours at a stretch at 3 weeks old!), I got some rest, she gained weight, mommyhood was FINALLY what i expected. When my son came along 3 years later I told the nurses and lactation consultants to suck a silicone nipple, we were going straight to the bottle! We did, and they turned out fine. Do what YOU have to do to take care of YOU and YOUR baby, and the rest of the world can get stuffed!
You, KDA, are the problem. Shame on you. Post partum depression is real and scary. Kudos to you Robin for getting through it.
Obviously KDA (aka…Kind of a Dumb A$s!!!) here didn’t read the post above and went straight from clicking on the blog post link to sitting in the front row of idiocracy. PPD is a scary moment in time and sadly can bring suicidal thoughts when a new mother is not bonding with their child. Why don’t you take a lesson in kindness and resoect, or just keep your opinions to yourself. There’s another hatred in the world of motherhood without people like you spewing more of it.
KDA, Didn’t your momma teach you the golden rule of when to say something nice and when to STFU?
Robin, I was in the same boat too with both of mine. Fortunately the first we discovered was a whey and cassien allergy, but my second was born at 32 weeks premiture and suffered from a traumatic delivery. The sadness of knowing I’d never have another child and never experiance the bonding of breastfeeding was unbearable. Hope you and your little love are doing well know :0)
I am so sorry some nasty troll responded to your comment with hate. PPD is not something to fuck around about, not even in the comment section of a blog filled with curse words. Folks, I will put up with all kinds of idiocy here, but people calling a person names for struggling with mental illness? That’s gonna get deleted the minute I see it.
I was a stay at home mom and being a pretty well read person, I wouldn’t say that I was uneducated in the least and I chose not to breast feed. I read all the books and articles on the topic and listened to the mantra that it is the most natural thing in the world. Which it is, but it didn’t feel natural to me. The other thing that I read over and over, if you aren’t comfortable breast feeding then neither will your baby be. Honestly, my immune system is extremely poor and I also read up on formula which has come a loooooong way in the last 15 years and is far from poison. So I chose what was the best choice for me, and my son was a bottle baby who at 13 years old has only been on an antibiotic 3 times in his life and is fit as the proverbial fiddle. Does this mean I think moms that breast feed are wrong or mislead, absolutely not. I think women should do what feels right to them.
I also think preachy douchbags should spend more time in their own backyard caring for their families instead of telling me how to care for mine regardless if they support breast or bottle 🙂
My second child had significant allergies from birth; I cut out all dairy, including my own favorite foods and grocery shopping with a newborn and 2 year old while reading every ingredient on every label. She only got worse and I was going to attempt cutting spy as well. Our pediatrician pointed out that, as someone who doesn’t eat a lot of meat, I would be spending all of my time finding a way to maintain nutrition and less time with my children. It was a very painful decision for me, but I did it for all of us and donated 250 ounces of frozen breast milk to a family who had adopted child they wanted to get breast milk related to her health problems. I did the beast I could, but who the glares, the sneers, the snorts. I felt so horrible, I felt I had to hide more with the bottle than I did with the boob. It was awful. At a very difficult time, I needed a smile or even a nod of understanding. Rock it, Beth. And keep rocking it until us girls are the community we should be.
I breastfed my daughter for 6 weeks only…she learned to chew my nipple and even though she didn’t have teeth yet, it hurt like hell! Not to mention the biggest reason: My daughter had colic. I was breast feeding and I literally cut out EVERYTHING from my diet—caffeine, sugar, salt, dairy, meat, etc. You name it, I cut it out COMPLETELY. My daughter still had colic…so much that for 6 weeks, neither of us got any real sleep and we were both miserable. The day I put her on formula specially formulated with DHA and ARA, the colic went away.
Here’s another completely real reason for not breastfeeding: Postpartum depression.
I put off getting treatment for it until I couldn’t stop crying for 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS.
I finally broke down and went in to see my doctor who was kind and compassionate, then informed me that I needed anti-depressants and would not be able to continue nursing my son.
There’s a whole other bag of hate for ya. Yup. I got depressed, took drugs for it, AND stopped nursing so I could do so. SUCK IT, INTERNET.
My kids are happy. They have a happy mom. I love them more than anything in the world. Period.
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The problem is people have become confused on the difference between freedom of speach and just saying whatever the heck they want.
Yup! Tact versus manners.
Alana recently posted…How to use the Tim Holtz Vagabond by Sizzix
I read the post and what stood out was not the debate (why do any of you care, by the way, how another mother feeds her baby), but the level of anger some mothers (on both sides) are feeling about this topic. It is rather puzzling to me that grown women allow the opinion of others to affect them so much., to the point of cussing and raging online. Why do you lash out at others who mother in a different way. Why are you constantly so offended if someone disagrees with your way of mothering? There are plenty of books on child rearing, support groups, pediatricians, therapists, mothers, mothers-in-law, and others who can help with questions, concerns, doubts. If I had insecurities about how I was mothering (which I did) I would seek the advise, guidance of someone who gently, without judgement, gave me suggestions and modeled strategies for me. And if you want to raise your children all by yourselves, and do it your way, who is stopping you.
Why the up-yours, in- your- face, bratty kids vocabulary when discussing your children? Just wondering.
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Ah, for fuck’s sake.. she starts the blog by saying she will be swearing and blaspheming.. and YOU are the one to get upset? Jesus Motherfukcing Christ. Great Post By the way. Couldn’t agree more.
Not upset…just puzzled. I don’t get it. Mommy wars? Those two words don’t even sound right together. So much drama. Women duking it out over breast feeding. Really?
When you say something online in a public forum you are not minding your own business, and you are inviting others to not mind theirs.
So we create a venting machine that may or may not have any value other than to make us temporarily “feel” like we’ve been heard. Basically that’s what we all want isn’t it? To be heard.
Did you even read what she said? It’s the condescension, mommy wars, and all around act of “I’m better than you.” MYOB and move on. You worry about you, everyone else can worry about their own parenting. I am guess that you are one of those busy bodies.
I had the doula in the delivery room and the baby playlist on the ipod for my warrior drug free birth only to end up getting a C-section when that little brat wouldn’t come out after 36 hours of trying! On top of that, she wouldn’t latch on and I wasn’t producing enough milk to feed even a baby grasshopper. I had lactation consultants humiliating me and a nurse look down her nose at me when I finally couldn’t take my baby daughter’s screams any longer and asked for formula. I was in a depressed daze for days. At my baby’s first doctor’s visit, the nurse tried to comiserate with me on how hard it was for her to breastfeed while her husband was having an appendectomy. How is that even relevant to my inability as a mother to give my child what should be a no brainer for me. But it was impossible. After my daughter lost so much weight that she was deemed to be literally starving did someone give me “permission” to give my cracked bloody nipples a rest and use formula. And it was a lactation consultant! How fucked up is that that I felt I had to go through all of that just to prove I was a good and worthy mom?
You have obviously missed the entire point of the article and have obviously been living under a rock for a decade. There are increasing “stories” and so called doctors out there accusing women who choose not to breast feed of being bad mothers…it is NEVER the other way around, so your entire commentary makes no sense, at least in this context. Anyway, take a moment to google and you’ll see that the latest motherhooding trend is the ‘breast feeding nazi’ movement. They call formula poison and those who choose it “uneducated and poor”. Don’t believe me? check for yourself. As far as the ‘level of anger’ and ‘cussing and online raging’ goes, that part of the article is what is called exaggeration for humor’s sake.
Statistically those who choose to formula feed are uneducated and poor – part of that is a lack of support for those who work and breastfeed – not providing breaks and room to pump etc. Its a statistical reality and public health numbers are not *personal* it’s a neutral reality. The better educated a person is the more likely they are to make more money and the higher their financial status the more likely they are to:be able to take maternity leave, have a job with an office/privacy to pump/able to afford lactation consultants, make it to LLL meetings…and with that comes a community of peers who are breastfeeding and able to offer support. From a public health perspective identifying what leads to breastfeeding success helps them target programs to help those who aren’t increase their rates which statistically leads to better health outcomes. That isn’t an attack on you. Read the comments here and see that it does go both ways – read the nasty comments – the feeling that preteen boys being exposed to a nursing mother and child is disgusting. That’s messed up and evidence that I’m not mysteriously out of the loop (btw I’m a teacher and work with families with infants through 8th grade so I’m well acquainted with current baby culture :-))
Lol, well, I can’t say I’m surprised you spewed the stats that correlate money and formal education with ‘good’ parenting. No, can’t say I’m surprised at all. BUT the main point is that this article is supposed to have a humor element to it and people are making it all about them. Typical. It’s supposed to point out the all out war against ALL mothers, RICH or Poor, formally educated or not who don’t breast feed at all for WHATEVER reason or don’t make it to the 12 month mark. Bottom line, all arguments bequeathing venom
onto these mothers are bogus, including the “neutral statistics” about “poor uneducated mothers”
Or maybe someone like me has all that but had to take heart meds or die. Hmmmm. Breast feeding or death. Not a hard choice.
Guess I’m a poor uneducated hillbilly loser who chose to formula feed her second child…..no wait my qualifications, job, mortgage and achievements ……shit I must still be a stupid fucker…
No where did I equate it with bad parenting and the only people bashing the poor are you – I’m talking about public health initiatives – you’re assigning the value judgements – there are none coming fro me. I work with families of all economic levels and I can guarantee ou money does not equal better parenting – more opportunities yes and seeing the poor have access to those opportunities is what matters to me., Breastfeeding rates and statistic health outcomes are not a value judgement – just like the increase in allergies in well educated upper income families isn’t a value judgement on “good parenting” from a public health perspective understanding it helps *society* be healthier.
that IS fucked up because I was determined and perfectly confident with the breastfeeding of my twins especially after struggling with two other babies to get the hang of it all and finally trusting my instincts a lot more and EVERYONE encouraged me to supplement with formula and they were getting plenty and growing well from birth. I can’t say that it ever bothered me when people gave me advice but it as discouraging when I felt my daughter couldn’t latch properly and gave me sore nips so I definitely didn’t ask to pump or supplement and did what was in my mind to do. It works best for mothers to just keep in mind they know best and everyone is different.
I’m sorry, my response was to someone else. But since you responded the way you did, all I can say is: I am so glad you read this article, lol
There are a lot of issues like this that judgy people berate moms for. Working, spanking, yelling, screen time, dicipline, nutrition, church etc. They say “I would NEVER do that”. But they aren’t me and I’m not them. NO mother can do EVERYTHING right, and no moms parent the exact same way. That’s why we are our children’s parents. We have the right to raise them the way we want to. There is just too much interference these days to do that and not feel bad about what we are doing.
“Stop trying to convince the world that they should live YOUR way, and parent YOUR way, and just handle your OWN business. Just, STOP.” Of course. And this goes both ways. So, if I’m out at the mall discreetly nursing my baby, and someone has the nerve to come up to me to say something about it, they shouldn’t be surprised when I say, “Fuck right off.” Don’t make your business someone else’s business.
You are my new favorite person.
EXACTLY! But this article is not about ‘breast milk vs. formula’. This is about the trend and movement to demonize formula users, not breast feeding moms. But I’ve done both and was not one of those moms who hid in a bathroom to breast feed so I hear ya. On the other hand, this article is about something bigger than feeding our babies. It’s a lot more than that
I always encourage new mothers to at least try to breastfeed, because hey its free! But I never shame a new mom who doesn’t.
I figure my mom didn’t breastfeed me and I turned out all right (in my humble opinion) so formula can’t be THAT horrible!
I chose to formula feed both my sons. I was fully capable of breastfeeding, was producing milk … and still chose formula. I never even made an attempt to try and have either son latch on. Why? Because I didn’t *want* to breastfeed. I understood all the benefits … and STILL chose formula. Breastfeeding was waaaaaay out of my comfort zone. For lack of a better way yo say it … it squicked me out. Yes its natural … blah blah blah. I didn’t care.
Guess what? Both my boys are totally fine. Healthy, happy, smart as whips. And completely bonded with me. I don’t feel like I missed out or they missed out. I adore them and they love me too.
So judge away, breasty mc judges everyone. I so don’t care. However … I’d appreciate it if you’d not whip out your boob in the middle of Epcot in full view of my pre-teen boys. I’m not bashing on you for breastfeeding your child … good for you. But I’d rather my sons not be exposed to your breasts in public no matter how “natural” it is.
I agree with whipping the boob out in public. I worked at a dental office that catered to this new fucking “homeopathic” generation. These people would breast feed their 4 year old in the waiting room. I am not for pushing my beliefs on others and I dc o not want theirs pushed on me. Theses freaking nutjobs need to realise the world does not revolve a round them and learn what the word consideration means.
This thread sounds like a bunch of judgy cunts to me! Mind your business and support each other, which is the whole point of this blog! Don’t like breastfeeding then don’t do it and look away you noisy fucks! Teach your kids and pre teens manners and what tits are for!! I don’t give a fuck what you do with your life, not my pig, not my farm! Mind your business and do what you want with your kids!
I agree. My son was 11 when I had my daughter. Now I may not have whipped mine out in front of him but there were plenty of times he would walk in on me breastfeeding. We had plenty of talks with him about how natural it is and that it is something to be completely respected. He’s a very well adjusted teenager, I might add. On a side note I was never able to produce breastmilk beyond two months with both my kids. I used to hear the “breastmilk is brain food, your kids would be smarter if you started them out right.” Guess what, my kids are smart and it’s not the milk it’s the fact that I spent time with them at an early age teaching them reading, writing, spelling… and not keep them tied up in my apron strings or latched onto my boob at 4 and 5 years old.
The world doesn’t evolve around you either. Unfortunately we all walk outside and see all kinds of things we don’t like. The fact is we live in fairly free society where we can live our lives as we wish as long as we’re not hurting others. Sometimes we’re going to see things we don’t like. We need to turn our heads and move along. Just because someone doesn’t like seeing something does not mean they can (or should) stop it from happening. Your head is mobile, turn it. Your eyes move, move them. It’s not “forcing” their beliefs on you to continue living their lives as usual just because they are in public. They are simply living their lives. People have a really stupid and ridiculous idea of what “force” means these days.
And yes, breastfeeding a 4 year old squicks me out, but I’ll fight for her right to breastfeed her 4 year old because SHE’S the parent of her children and she has the right to raise them in a way that she feels is right. She’s not hurting anyone, I just don’t agree with one thing she does. I’m sure she wouldn’t approve of all the things I do as a parent.
Eff everything about this! I’ll ‘whip’ my boob out and IDGAF if you like it or not. Don’t effing look, that simple.
Well, I personally have no problem that you chose to formula feed in a developed country. I also have no problem with someone breastfeeding their baby in front of my children at any age. They were always smart and know how to behave.
First time I ever read your blog because it was on the Moms who Drink and Swear page…you’ve got a loyal fan now. I breastfed mine, except the second one had to be supplemented…I felt guilty all because of this bullshit. It is because of posts like these that I feel hope for the world my 2-year-old daughter will grow up in, possibly have kids and probably not breastfeed!
I don’t think anyone should have to justify their reasons for not breast feeding. It should be no ones business why a mom decides to bottle feed. We get into this mode where we think we’ve got to defend it when we are asked or confronted by these booby busybodies. It is fine with me whatever a mom decides. I’ll support her regardless. And while I’m way past being asked the question, because my baby days are over, if I were asked my reply might be something along the lines of MYOFB. They are not asking out of concern. They are asking because they are judgmental assholes. Why dignify it with any other response?
I myself breastfed my daughter for 13 months. Also, after the first 6 weeks I began supplementing with formula. I would have literally lost my mind if I hadn’t. I needed the break. I needed to be able to take a shower without my husband banging on the bathroom door yelling that the baby was hungry and I needed to hurry up. I didn’t produce enough to pump. I also couldn’t afford one of those fancy electric pumps either. Although I cried the first time my daughter took the bottle, I wouldn’t change the way I did things. We got the best of both worlds. Every mother should do what is right for them and their child, period! This was what was right for me and mine. Here’s what I liked about breastfeeding: the bond it helped create, I could go back to sleep while my baby fed, it made my period stay away, it was cost effective and last, but not least, my kid is eight and has never needed to be put on antibiotics. Is it because of the breastfeeding, who knows? But I like to think that my sacrifice of no longer having perky boobs can be credited to this.
In the past I’ve commented on mcdonalds ads that advertised to children that ended up on my newsfeed and been attacked for going to their page to comment – I never left my own wall. I wasn’t policing other peoples dietary choices I was responding bto immoral repugnant ads on my wall. The problem is that these unsolicited ads showed up on the pages of breastfeeding advocates and they replied to being targetted with the ad – which then goes on the retailers page. They’re breaking international law advertising in the first place – the reaction is not towards individual mothers – it’s towards an industry that makes money by sabotaging nursing before its established because their competitor is breastfeeding. Don’t want commentary – don’r advertise on facebook where anyone with babies anyone mentioning *nursing* gets targetted with your unwanted ads. This retailer needs to take responsibility – this isn’t a mommy war issue.
Actually, it IS a mommy war issue. I guess it’s not so much a war as mommy shaming. Take it from those of us who’ve been shamed, it is an issue. Please read the comments on this article. It’s not an uncommon issue. I get what you’re saying, it just irked me that you say it isn’t a mommy shaming/war issue when it obviously is.
*THIS* particular issue isn’t though, it’s a problem with advertising on facebook and the reality that people who are affronted by ads can comment right away means that people are taking comments directed at a corporation personally. You shouldn’t – just as I won’t take “breastfeeding lunatics” personally in the comments here. People commented from their own walls – it was not personal. There’s a shift happening as breastfeeding numbers rise, I agree, but as an older mom (my oldest is nearly 21 I remember being made to leave my kid’s school for breastfeeding discretely his newborn brother in the lobby while waiting for dismissal. Being escorted out – 9 years ago. I think misguided questions, misconceptions and comments on the internet about those who use formula are different than the discrimination women who follow WHO and APP guidelines regarding breastfeeding. I think having some understanding that that is where breastfeeding advocates are coming from helps with understanding bad behaviour.
And yet it’s so easy to remove those ads. I see ads for crap I hate all the time. I don’t go commenting. I just hit the little button and under the ad I fill in “Is against my opinions” or “Don’t show me this again”. It’s not all that difficult. No need to go all out at war over it.
LOVED THIS…had and old high school friend of mine try to make me feel like dog shit because I didn’t go through everything to try to nurse my ADOPTED son………God those people piss me off too…. Shitty thing is, I let her make me feel bad about it for awhile…how effed up is that?
Preach on, Mama. I agree with you 100%. We’d all love to be perfect, have perfect children, have the ideal scenario with our babies and our births. We just didn’t, through no fault of our own. My personal experience? Congestive heart failure. You can’t breastfeed with those meds going through your system. These F^#$%@$ need to get over themselves right the F^%$# now. I hate other humans sometimes….Grrrr……
What really hit home with me was your comment “how you choose to raise you kids is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.” Not only does it work with kids, but it also applies to every other aspect of my life as well. As long as we aren’t harming others, why can’t we just leave each other alone and support each other? Thanks for the rant. It was spot on, and fucking funny to boot. 🙂
This is exactly right. I am one of those moms who feels like she has to hide the truth about breast feeding. I actually feel ashamed because I feel like I didn’t try hard enough or something. And maybe I didn’t. I don’t know. All I know is that I had to have a C-section because I couldn’t deliver naturally, I was hurting, on various meds, completely sleep deprived because of baby and being in the hospital, and I have always struggled with being bipolar. I only attempted to nurse for the first two or three days (I was so out of it I really don’t remember).
I wanted to make sure my baby got the antibodies from the cholostrom at least. But after two days of her not latching well, my skin tearing and bleeding when she did manage to latch, and me having a HUGE breakdown partially because I couldn’t nurse and partially because the lactation nurses kept at me to breast feed, I had enough. This was, possibly, the most heartbreaking decision in my entire life. I still get a little choked up about it when I think about me, as a mother, not being able to nourish my child. I mean, when I made that decision I just broke. I was crying so hard, bless my husband for being there for me and literally yelling at the nurses to leave us alone for a while. Moms who scream about breast is best have NO F***ING IDEA how hard it is to make that decision. And they always ask me why I didn’t pump. At that time, I was so mentally unstable and the idea of pumping kind of grossed me out (I don’t know why, it just did), and it also reminded me every time I tried to pump of the fact that I couldn’t feed my baby. Not to mention I was also in college at that time and the stress of that was weighing on me enough.
So yeah, I chose formula. And as soon as I did, the weight lifted off, the lactation nurses stopped hounding me, my baby is big and strong and healthy, and I was able to be WAY more at ease with her. It made me a better mother to not have that stress on me. Like I said, it still bothers me some, but it was the right choice for me at that time. If I have another kid, I may give it another try. I want to give it another try. But the way that a lot of moms shame people like me makes me feel like the scum of the earth and like I’m just seriously dysfunctional and not worthy of my adorable baby girl. That’s not right.
Another thing I wanted to point out, is that we should all be mindful of who we are talking to and what we are talking to them about when it comes to being a mom. I have a friend who doesn’t do this consciously, but she makes me feel like less of a mom because she talks incessently about how much time she gets to spend with her kids and how she was able to breast feed all three of them. She says things like “I just love breast feeding, I’m so glad I didn’t go with formula”. She doesn’t mean this to be mom shaming, she just doesn’t think about what she’s saying.
We just all need to be thoughtful of other moms and pull together to fight the uphill battle of motherhood. I feel that this is why people don’t see the incredible strength of women and often take it for granted. We are so busy bickering and nitpicking at each other that we can’t come together and show the world just how strong we are.
Anyway, I’ve rambled enough, sorry. I just got on a tirade. But really, this is a wonderful post and it makes me feel less ashamed of my situation. It makes me feel like there are moms out there who understand what I’ve gone through. And that makes it feel a little less lonely out there.
The sad thing is that we are made to feel so ashamed that we cry over this. Kids who get formula are fine.
How about those moms who have perfect kids and are always posting how this one is captain of the team and how the other is prom queen….My kids are not close to being as “great” as theirs are, but their kids will work for my kids one day! I always say Kindergarten to 12th grade don’t mean shit…..lets see how “great” they turn out
see my previous comment, AND I did not breastfeed!
I have a 4yr old and a newborn. I attempted to breast feed while it made me very uncomfortable to whip it out…I know it is natural just not in my comfort zone so I always supplemented my kids. When we came home my 4 yr old would stare at me and make comments while I was feeding or pumping and it became very uncomfortable, I work full time and part time job so we can pay for pre school and daycare, I have 2 kids,a mortgage and life to deal with. Pumping and nursing was not for me with either child my 4 yr old is beyond healthy strong and very smart for his age and my newborn will follow the footsteps of his brother…if breast is best in your mind then you do you but I’m gonna do me .
I’m a breastfeeding advocate. Jezus on a Ritz, the enemy!! But hear me out. Please?? I’m also a “every mom should make her own nutritional choices for HER babies” advocate. I’m a Lactation Educator who will help any mom with any BF’ing questions, issues, etc. But if she decides to go with formula I’ll also help. There’s quite often tremendous guilt associated with switching and my goal is to make each mom feel as good about any decision she makes. Good lord, motherhood is hard enough and full of plenty guilt for countless other things. This shouldn’t be something she worries about for yrs. everyone needs to mind their own business!!
Christ on a Popsicle stick! I love you!
No one could say it better! I sent your link to all of the young mothers I know who struggle with this.. wish we had blogging back in the 90’s when my kids were young..I would have been better prepared than just a hardy “Fuckyou!” !
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I love it. I have older kids but my sister is pregnant and I’m hearing her go through with all of the nonsense about birthing options and to nurse or not from her. both of my girls were preemies. With oldest, I just could not produce enough, I went for as long as I could as the “appetizer” and supplemented. Younger was born at 25 weeks, I had an electric pump, consultant, nicu nurse help- the whole shebang support wise was covered by insurance but again, just not enough milk. I don’t know if it might have worked better if I could actually have nursed the baby but that couldn’t happen 25 weekers cannot suck yet.I played Elsie w/ my milking machine for as long as possible but dried up before she was even able to suck. I heard more crap w/ the second but funny when i bothered to come back at them, none of the self-rightous could explain to me how they had nursed a 25 weeker or maintained milk production with only a machine( and no cheating by holding the baby while doing so, the best I could do in the first few days was sit next to her and sing and touch her little back once before I left) for 21/2 months. Maybe there is a super woman who could but it weren’t me! My sister will have support with whatever decision she comes to.
My nephews were 25, 30, and 31 weekers.. My SIL was one tough chicka who didnt take any BS from anyone in that NICU.. lol I dont know if it waqs the smartest thing but she never stayed more than 24 hours.. Only the 25 weeker stayed in for a few extra dys but I remember searching for Cabbage Patch kids clothes cuz preemie was to big! She nursed a bit but maybe a month at the most? She had 6 kids and a hubby who has time to Breast feed??? lol I think you defiantly are a super woman BECAUSE you sat at your childs side and did what you had to do! There are plenty of women who walk away or give up. You got this down, your sister is a lucky girl!!
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I appreciate that these delusional Cult of the Boob lunatics think they are doing all of us a favor by telling my wife and I that our son will grow us to be a immunocompromised, knuckle-dragging dullard with mommy issues, but STFU. My son will be dead long before that because I put him in the car seat wrong, and HE WILL DIE! The lack of mommy-luv particles in formula will destroy civilization will damn my family is nice to know, and I’m sorry that formula is the real reason your savior was nailed to the cross and that none of the 9/11 terrorist were boob-fed, but how does telling my wife to smother our first-born with her non-lactating boob make your life better? Why is my wife crying and believing she has failed as a mother 2 days after major surgery to yank His Laziness from her womb? Oh, the crazy women called a ‘lactation consultant” did this, turning my normally rational wife into a pool of weeping hormones? Excuse me while I go drown her boob-worshiping arse is a saucer of of irony-flavored formula. No? If she walks into our room or touches my kid, I will demonstrate how formula can be used as a flame-thrower and immolate her, boobs and all. – actual true story of my sons birth.
Made me laugh out loud!!! I think as a nation we need to practice telling people to eff off when they are being assholes, that way if they hear this often enough, they may change their behavior.
You, sir… are awesome. You remind me very much of how my husband reacted to this bullshit when our daughter was born.
I was also a weepy emotional mess… with a psycho lacto-Nazi (henceforth referred to as The Bitch) telling me I was already failing the first test of motherhood because I wasn’t producing colostrum. IDK how it was my fault, as I did not consciously decide not to lactate, but it was my fault. I’m very very busty, and the bitch was trying to force my completely uninterested 8 hour old daughter to latch on to a completely dry boob by shoving her face into it to cut off her oxygen to force her to open her mouth.
My husband saw our daughter turning purple and heard me screaming stop and went out the door bellowing for the charge nurse to call the police because either the bitch was gonna kill our baby or he was gonna kill her stupid fucking ass.
She then proceeded to call our home every two hours for the first 3 days after I left the hospital to rail at me not to use formula. Our daughter had lost enough weight at her one week check up to concern our pediatrician. When she heard the story from my husband (I was too ashamed to admit I wasn’t lactating), she took the bitch’s card from him and put in a call to the hospital. The bitch was fired, and my pediatrician told me that breastfeeding is NOT worth starving an infant over. I think I needed to hear it from her, because I had no guilt at all after that conversation with her.
I was one of those mom’s that couldn’t breat feed cuz I had a Kidney Transplant and was given pills to stop lactating! I got the usual…” oh, you can’t breast feed? How sad… I hope your baby grows up ok”… WTHell???? Those people out there that think that THAT was a chioce! That wasn’t a Choice! It was give him the formula or die of starvation! I’m happy to announce that he’s 5 now and one of the smartest kids in his Kindergarten! He’s bright, and SOOOO with it, it’s scarry! Breast milk is not alwasy BEST… I would have loved to have been able to have that moment with him, but we had a different kind of moment…and I don’t regret it for one single min. So all of you out there that do the “ticsh ticsh” at not breast feeding…. “ticsh tichs” to you for being sooooo insensative! 😛
My kids are grown now and I tried to nurse my son when he was born but he wouldn’t latch so I pumped for 3 months then switched to soy formula. My daughter was premature however I pumped for her feeding tube then nursed her after that she did fine. But here is the deal I was never ever one of those mothers to force my way on anyone.
I had a know it all sister inlaw for that she was /is very militant breast feeding. and I will tell you the only reason why I nursed was because its free… Yes I am that cheap I didn’t do it because it was better for them honestly I did it because it worked for me and it was free. As long as your babies are fed, healthy, loved, and happy who gives a rats ass how you feed them.
Another reason to not breast feed…. If you had a C-section, your body will hog all the calories and nutrients in order to heal, so all your baby gets is watered down milk, none of the good stuff. So you THINK you are feeding your baby, but really you aren’t. Which leads to CPS thinking you don’t want to be a mother and are starving your child. Yep.
Um, what? I’m not judging anyone else, but I had a terribly traumatic c-section that took a lot of healing and I still nursed fine and my baby got plenty of nutrition. I was a wreck for a bit, but he gained weight like crazy and was never sick once…
This isn’t true! C/S mums milk is just a good as a vaginal birth mums. Don’t be a dick!
This “mother shaming” has been going on for a long time. When I had my children, ( the 1980’s), using any drugs during labor was considered taboo. That includes epidurals or pitocin. During my mother’s era only poor, uneducated women breast fed. It’s way past time for this to stop.
indeed, I was thinking the same thing. My children are grown up, but it was a sin against nature to use meds during labor when they were born, and if you breast fed you were an oddball out to make some obscure point. So I had some drugs and breast fed for a while and felt inadequate on all points as do most moms. and yet, the kids all grew up more or less normally…
This reminds me of a conversation the other day how me and this one other girl were satan for using a harness on our kids (leash for the high and mightys). Even if we only used it once or twice in a traveling situation they were all so above it being parents who would never devalue their child to ensure their safety. I would say that your vent about the bottles is so close to what I was saying that well makes me wonder why we mom shame the way we do, nobody seems to feel better for it.
I used a harness on my active toddler boys, and I have to say it was a godsend. Not only did I not have to carry heavy wiggly tots everywhere, or strap them into an unwieldy awkward stroller, they didn’t have to spend all their time reaching waaay up to hold my hand the whole time. they could walk and look without getting lost or into things. And yes, people did disapprove, but not one of them took me up on my offer to walk with us and keep track of my little one while I shopped.
I used a harness when my daughter was 3 and I was trying to juggle her and an infant carrier and a huge diaper bag with supplies for two kids, and a purse, and a briefcase/laptop case/everything else moms cart around. She loved it! It had a monkey backpack on it for her to carry things in. She’d ask to wear it just around the house sometimes.
Those same asshole stick their kids in a stroller until they are four. Harnesses give freedom to small children.
This was perfect. Because it got to the core of the problem…..Moms judging on other moms rather than holding them up. Life is hard, people. If yours isn’t, it will be someday. Don’t make it harder. NO mom should have to “hide the truth of her life” out of fear of what other women will think.
Yes, yes, yes! I couldn’t breast feed, and there’s nothing more awesome than judgy mcjudger coming down on me to try and make me feel like a bad Mom. Since my choices were either formula or starvation, I believe I made the right call. I may have my bad mom moments, but that wasn’t one of them. But thanks for the lecture at the family Thanksgiving gathering. And the Christmas one. You sanctimonious ass. Go make some more hand carved blocks out of sustainable materials.
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There are more pressing issues in this world that would make a difference. I’m amazed that people feel this needs to be any of their business. Thank you for stating it so matter of factly!
I struggled to breastfeed from day one. I tried EVERYTHING to incease my milk production, including prescription medication. By week 7 I had to accept defeat and start my baby on formula. She FLOURISHED! Yet, the breastfeeding nazis were on my case. By week 10 I had to go back to work because I did not get paid maternity leave. And then of course, I was asked ridiculous things like: 1) Aren’t you worried about your baby? 2) Isn’t it difficult to leave such a small baby at home? 3) Wouldn’t you have liked to stay home until baby is older? Seriuously? I work because I am a single mom and if I do not work my baby does not have formula (the evil stuff!), nappies, clothes or a roof over her head. We are all just doing the best we can do every day. Trying our best to survive and raise our children in the best way we can. I just wish that the moms who are lucky enough to spend time with their small children will help us working moms more.
Amen!!! I really do not care how someone feeds their child as long as they get fed. I think people have gone bat shit crazy about deciding what is best for the entire world of children. It is not my damn business what y’all do with your kids. And I dare someone to tell me I’m doing it wrong. Because I’m a stay at home Momma of four CRAZY kids…I have a lot of pent up frustration to work out!
I concur. People spend way too much time finding fault with other people. They do it (I am convinced) in order to take the spotlight off of themselves. I couldn’t breast feed. I wanted to but my shit was drier than the Death Valley in summer. So screw them. And the bottle they rode in on.
Your great I really loved how u said there’s numerous reasons who someone cant breastfeed as that was my situation its nice to see it recognised! U nailed this in my opinion no one should have another’s opinion forced on them we all parent in our own way.
Omg, you rock!!! I love this!!!! Thank you!!! I had support from some family & friends, but also had some (very stupid) family to give me shit about not breast feeding…We mothers need to stick together!!!!
Well said! I have gotten snide comments for having C-sections (because ya know I wanted both my baby and I to live) and for not breast feeding ( cuz PPD is so easy to “just get over” but I took the easy way out and took meds). In the end my children are happy, healthy, well adjusted kids.
Dear God, I’ve been saying this for almost 8 years now. Ever since the first judgy bitch publicly berated me for formula feeding my daughter (without knowing my story).
Formula is EXPENSIVE, yo! Most people don’t go, “Hmmmm. Think I will ignore the totally FREE food source and pay hundreds of dollars on powdered milk instead!” just so they can annoy other people to get their JOLLIES!
I’m one of those mommies who didn’t produce enough milk to feed my children. In fact, both of my children would have starved to death had I insisted on breast feeding them. It pisses me off as well when moms judge me for not breast feeding. I can’t swear that I would have breast fed for a long period of time, because I was not a fan to begin with, but I had no choice but to switch to formula.
couldn’t of said any of it any better… love the idea of christ on a saltine 😀
Right? What matters is baby gets fed. Silly militant mommies
Nailed it. NAILED IT. xoxoxox
I wish I could say that I agreed with you on this issue, but … LOL! Can’t even finish that pretend disagreement.
You’ve nailed this … Christ on a cracker! Haa!! I’ll have to add that one to my mix! I say Christ on a crutch, but I like the visual of Christ on a saltine, sitting cross-legged, just waiting for the assholery to stop!
People don’t criticize because they want what’s best for others. They criticize because they don’t like that there are people not doing things their way. You’re 100% right on that!
Well done, pissed off Beth.
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You go Beth…. I’m a fed up person too!! People mind your own damn business!
We used to say Christ on a cracker all the time. Then my mom gave us a huge lecture on how bad it was. So some how we figured Jesus on toast was better! She didn’t!
This was poetry.
I couldn’t breast feed. I stopped producing after a week and my baby was starving.
My baby suffered 5 concussions, she has ADHD, She has milk allergies that cause neurological issues that imitate ADHD. So i get a lot of grief about how i should be raising her, or I spoil her so that’s why she acts out, or you need this medication. I got this. I know my kid. You’re saying exactly what’s in my head when I’m trying to be polite. My baby is 13 now. For a kid with issues she behaves better than kids without issues.
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