This morning I woke to the sound of my alarm that reminds me to take my morning Xeloda. I took my pills, picked up my phone, and saw that my friend Bethany had died. She went into hospice very recently, and I knew she was pretty sick, but it still comes as a shock, as a slap in the face, every time this happens. I called her best friend and left a message for her telling her that I love her, and we texted a bit. I said a lot of swear words.
Then I texted #bestdocever to find out how my tumor markers were from my blood draw on Friday. (The results didn’t come back right away like they normally do–we’d been texting over the weekend about it as he kept checking for them.) He called and said that my hematocrit is 26, so he’s happy to offer me a transfusion if I’d like one…and that my markers are up a bit since last month, so it’s time to abandon Xeloda. My cancer is a fast learner, just like me. We’re switching to Afinitor plus Exemestane, and we’re gonna see if we can add some other drugs to maybe get me some combination therapy, motherfuckers.
I went for my Denosumab shot this afternoon, then went for the a type and cross blood draw. Now, I’ve had quite a few transfusions since Carboplatin fucked up my bone marrow last summer, and each time, they poke me once, fill two vials, and move on to the next patient. This time, it was apparently a new tech, because he said he had to poke me twice, once for each vial. I was literally too tired to argue with him, so I just let him poke me twice, once in my arm and once, more painfully, in my hand. I told The Hubs about it after and he was horrified.
This is how I feel right now.
5 thoughts on “Sometimes there aren’t enough rocks”
Beth, I am with you sister. There are not enough rocks. I’ve just had devastating news of progression myself. Thanks for writing – makes me feel like I’m not alone. Best of luck for having some good summertime times!
I and behind on my ready. *Hugs* There aren’t enough rocks. I am sorry about the regimen change, may it be even more effective. *fingers crossed*
Mandi recently posted…Support is About Showing Up
I’m so sorry about all of this. So incredibly sorry.
Real Life Parenting recently posted…How to Protect Children from Predators and Perverts
Beth, there are no words – other than we can not possibly be more clear about how vital it is to get more funds into research for mets now! I am so sorry for your loss, for her family’s loss, for all you are going through – the never ending pokes. The ones in the hand really hurt and it all just sucks. I wish I could wave a wand and make it go away.
rebecca timlin-scalera recently posted…Models of Courage
It all sucks Beth! Xoxoxox Jo
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