Grown-Up Movies for Kids: Secretariat

Time for another Grown-Up Movie for Kids! This one really is The Boy’s favorite movie, and when I tell people about it, they look at me like I am insane. But it’s true: my 6-year-old son’s favorite movie is Secretariat.

So, in case you know nothing about horse racing, Secretariat is the most awesome race horse ever to have lived. That horse fucking kicked ass. He won the Triple Crown, which is practically impossible, and he was horse of the year, and whatever, he was just a seriously amazing horse. The boy loves the movie because there are a bunch of race scenes, and he finds them gripping. GRIPPING. Even though he totally knows Secretariat is the most awesome race horse ever and of course he is going to win. But kids don’t care that there is no suspense in this movie, they just love the horses racing.

The other thing awesome about this film is John Malkovich. He’s fantastic in his role as the crotchety trainer. I love when he yells insults in French, it reminds me of Dangerous Liasons (man that movie was hot, but alas, not kid friendly). The Boy’s favorite line from John, and mine frankly, is when he insults another trainer by saying “He couldn’t train a monkey to pick at his own butt.” He also says “He couldn’t train his own bowel movements.” You see? What’s not to love about this movie?

Now, I’m not saying this is an Oscar-worthy film. Diane Lane is kinda flat in several of the scenes, and the guy who plays her husband is a terrible actor. Or at least, he’s terrible in this movie. But the woman who plays the family’s assistant is great, and the guy who plays Seth Hancock who was in Hannah Montana? He’s dreeeaaammmmyyyy. Oh, and the costumes! So awesome, I want to own Diane Lane’s wardrobe from this movie.

If you are the type to not let your kids watch anything that includes death in it, well, sorry, this movie is not for you. Diane Lane’s parents are old and they both die during the film, peacefully. Then again, if you can’t stand a death in a movie, you probably can’t handle almost every Disney movie, including Cinderella, Finding Nemo, and The Lion King. Also, you probably don’t read this blog.

So there you have it! Another kid friendly film that adults can stand too. Grab a blanker and cuddle on the couch with your little one, and enjoy!

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